I didn't shave. On purpose
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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