If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
