Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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