Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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