Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
