We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
