I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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