i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
