so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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