we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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