i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
