This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
