I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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