It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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