his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
