I could have mohawked her pubes.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
