I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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