If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hippo gnu deer
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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