and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
