Kiss
Puke
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
