; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
