Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You may now shotgun with the bride
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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