Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Shame is for Republicans.
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