My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think i have two assholes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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