i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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