He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
