Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
