So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
wow bdsm is so cute
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