So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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