dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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