I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
