someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
