Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
