i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
