Your dad touched me again.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
