he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
