if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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