I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
