i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
