My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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