I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
