Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
