he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
