some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
