My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
