I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
