oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
