his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
