Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
