True but thats because hes a fetus.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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