if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
