I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
