Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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