Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
