The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
