made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
