Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
